Diary of Coincidences and Strange Occurances

On Thursday, Jac took me to see "Well," a play about an old woman who is perpetually sick, constantly interrupts, uses a 'grabber', belittles her daughter in public, charms her daughter's friends, and so on. Jac happened to get free tickets to this show.

On Friday, I flew to visit my mother, who is perpetually sick, constantly interrupts, uses a 'grabber', belittles me in public, and charms my friends.

At the rental car counter at the airport i was told my car had been upgraded at no extra cost. I thought that was neat, until i saw what they'd given me: a beige PT Cruiser, a plastic death machine with blindspots instead of windows and the momentum of a state legislature. This was my first indication that things would not go as i expected.

I drove the POS to mom's house and no one was home. I waited for her for half an hour. She knew when i was arriving, but she was busy running errands. I assumed she would drag her body in the door and then tell me to get a dozen crinkly plastic bags of sale items from her car. But when she got home, she bounced in the door with a couple bags of groceries, all lettuce and sushi. She looked great.

My sister, her husband and son showed up much later. My sister's husband and my mother have a terrible relationship. She thinks he's a low class stupid person who's bad for my sister, and he thinks she's a phony stupid person who's bad for my sister. I expected my sister would minimize the mom time, practically leave the car running, and rush back to the hotel (she loves hotels). Instead, the whole family came inside and had a nice visit before cruising over the hotel.

On Saturday my sister went alone to visit a friend in prison. She'd never been to that part of Florida and never visited a prison. My sister is a creature of habit who has to lie down if Kraft changes the packaging on Mac-N-Cheese. She can't read a map, and she doesn't plan ahead. But she did it. She drove down there and suffered the whole process and actually got in to see her friend, even though there were many discouraging steps along the way. Mom said she was proud of her, but not in an over-the-top embarrasing way that is actually belittling. She just kind of muttered it to herself. When my sister came back, we opened a bottle of champagne, and she gave the toast, "To sweet, sweet freedom."

The next day was spent giving a desk to my sister. This is a big deal because my mother has a large house full of furniture and piles of garbage, and she always says she wants to get rid of all the clutter and sell the house. She's never done anything to indicate she actually feels this way. But on Saturday, she cleaned off a desk and we loaded it onto a trailer. Even more surprisinly, my mother gave up her deep freezer, still empty since the last hurricaine. I distracted my nephew the whole time, making up games like "throw the purple poodle while making clicking sounds". Sunday night, when my sister's family was gone, I watched part of a movie with mom. She didn't interrupt, she didn't get stoned and stupid, and she didn't mind when halfway through i told her i wanted to go.

The next day it was just me and mom. She didn't shut up the whole time. It drove me nuts. She reminisced about my childhood giving a totally inaccurate, self-centered account designed to make her look good. She embarrased me in public. A giant cockroach limped out into the living room to remind me why i don't sleep there. Mom nearly made me late for my flight and told me i was overreacting to everything. As soon as I got back to Manhattan i bought a can of bud and drank it on the street - - sweet, sweet freedom.