Monday, July 31, 2006

Mel Gibson + South Park = Pure Magic

mel gibson was just arrested for drunk driving. in the docket, available online, he rants like a crazy person against jews.

matt and trey: we wish we were you. here are our suggestions for how south park should address this emerging national issue.

1. Mel Gibson enters Jew Hater Rehab, where he learns, through immersion, that Jews can be likable. Guest stars include likable jews such as Jon Stewart, Harrison Ford, and me.

2. The Saddam Hussein Makeover institute/reality tv enterprise is denied federal funding after MADD (mothers against drunk driving) holds a protest, headed by the little jewish kid's mother.

3. Cuervo hires Mel Gibson to host Catholics Gone Wild. It's so lame, Cartman stops hating jews.

4. The south park kids take a field trip to the Museum of Tolerance (again) and are taken hostage by umpa lumpas (side plot).

5. Mel Gibson tries to redeem reputation by going on Oprah. He refuses to acknowledge the holocaust, Oprah denies her lesbian relationship with Gayle for the 3rd time, at that moment, Oprah's minge crows "When will we see Pooki again?" Kenny dies.

Ideas? Comments.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

one of THOSE people

we don't just make reservations. we make maps. we make spreadsheets. we identify appropriate indicators and graph them against outcomes. we make lists upon lists. we set alarms. we leave ourselves voice mails.

we are lazy, easily bored, and often drunk. we have terrible memories. we can't place your face, can't place your name. actually, we have no idea who you are.

it's a good thing we're not too involved with the church.

we're not sure where we are. we're pumpkin pies. we need our lists, our maps, our self-imposed commands. we need other people's cigarettes. we love concierges, we love 411.

and we can't wait to get going.

(i'm bored. can i have a cigarette?)

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Computer says NO

Actual transcript from SOHO Concierge 7/22/06 00:11:00AM:

Jac: Hi, my name is Jacque (although my computer wouldn't know it) and I need a genius. It seems, in a fit of paranoia, I deleted my root user.
Genius/Guru: I've got a sutra for that, but first, may I ask you, why DID you cut off your hands?
Jac: I thought the net info manager was only for the web.
Genius/Guru (smiling): Oh, it's much more important than that! Capaccino?
Jac: Yes, please.
Genius/Guru: So you didn't think you could do it, eh?
Jac: I don't know what I thought, monkeys were dropping out of the sky, with user names like "secret hash"
Genius/Guru: So now, you know you have the power?
Jac: Yes, and I will only use it for good. Thanks for the capaccino and the sutra, this wasn't like an enema at all!!
Genius/Guru: Go forth and prosper, brave and curious one.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Vacation



My head is sooo there...I even dressed in beach wear to work today.
August has always been about vacation for me since I've been in college. I'd always take summer gigs that ended the beginning of August, so I would have worked my butt off, had some cash, and decided to blow some on a great vacation. Last year we went to a great hot spring, and this year we are on a hot spring tour. I can't wait. I won't be taking my computer, but I think I'm going to take my camera and attempt to film as much as I can. Bringing a camera is usually about work, but I love looking back the trip so much, I'll balance it.

ode to the poodle

we are dogsitting once again. this is to be sung to the tune of "i'll never tell", the Xander and Anya song from the Buffy musical.

She snores
She wheezes
Say housework and she ... wheezes.
She pees by skeezy feces that i can't describe.
I talk, she wheezes.
She doesn't know what cheese is.
Her breathing gets impeded when she lies on her side!
The vibe gets kind of hairy.
Like she thinks the neighbor's scary
Like it's all just temporary
Like her toes are kind of hairy
But it's all very well
Cause, Hey! There's something to smell.

(sorry dudes. i woke up early all cracked out from the heat wave.)

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Does this template make my butt look big?

Give me your opinions on the new template, then i'll update the links.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Fair Weather

Here's an article i just wrote with Jennifer Cox (Regional Plan Association, Hunter College):

Each year for the last three years, this region has suffered from increasingly severe floods. Last week the most recent floods struck New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Newspaper articles and television reports, both local and national, reported the worst of the damage and highlighted the most dramatic scenes of wreckage. Residents were advised on flood safety and evacuation plans; there was even some discussion of the connection to longer-term climate patterns.

All in all, though, the flooding was treated as an unavoidable act of nature. Indicative of this trend was the New York Times editorial of June 30, which lamented the death toll but ended by simply praying for less rain in July. Missing was the true story – that this flooding has a direct cause and can be avoided. Not all rainstorms need to lead to floods, and we can, in part, blame the pavement. The region’s rapid pace of sprawling development has replaced absorbent soil with impervious surfaces, leaving the rain with no place to go but into our streets and homes.

From 1965 to 1995, the amount of urbanized land in this region doubled. Urbanized land as a share of total land increased from 20% to 40% during those 30 years. Since then, the pace of development has almost certainly increased. This pattern has generated the necessary conditions for extreme floods. The more we make the land impervious to water with brick, concrete, and asphalt, the more heavy rains can turn in to flood hazards. Impervious surfaces prevent the rain from soaking into the ground effectively, slowly entering our streams and rivers over time. Instead the rain water quickly becomes runoff, funneled into our water ways via storm drains far too fast, causing extreme flood events. Last week, this was painfully evident in Pennsylvania, New York, and New Jersey.

While the general patterns of climate change may increase the frequency and strength of storms all over the world, the severity of the impact of those storms will be greatest in places, like this region, that have built over too much of the land. The solution is not necessarily to curb development altogether, but rather to find more sustainable development patterns. This is not a new concept. Ian McHarg’s classic text, ‘Design with Nature’ (1969) gives many examples that have successfully led to regions managing natural hazards in a sustainable way. On a large scale, this means investing in more mass transit and fewer highways, denser, centered development and open space preservation. On a site-specific scale, this can mean residential and commercial developments using green roofs, semi-permeable pavements, rainwater harvesting, and on-site irrigation to create a sustainable built environment in healthy riparian zones.

As we saw with Hurricane Katrina, a region’s vulnerability to storms is borne most heavily by the poor, the elderly, those without access to transportation, and those living within the flood plain. While our exposure to storm and flooding risk is critical, it is our socio-economic vulnerability that is the true measure of our ability to cope with a disaster. Since socio-economic divisions are also reflected in our settlement patterns, there is a complex dynamic between land use development patterns that promote flooding and those that leave vulnerable populations most exposed. In flood-prone areas, the poor are less likely to have flood insurance, have less access to transportation and are more vulnerable to economic disruption. In short, the more our sprawling land uses are perpetuated, the more severe flood events we can expect, and the more these populations are likely to be at risk. This changes the meaning of ‘Fair Weather,’ does it not?

I don't remember learning memory

Memory has been a topic I feel I am writing a lifetime dissertation about. As I've watch my nana's reality slip out of her mind and interviewed memory experts for UNRAVELED, I've remained enthusiastic about how memory functions. I don't remember learning memory, but it has seemed I always knew how to use it. As a kid, when my mom passed away, I remember I wanted to commit the scent of my mother to memory. It was an instinctual reaction to her death. Coming home from the hospital, I ran to her bedroom and shut the door behind me. On the back of the door hung my mother's purple house robe, I grabbed it to my nose and inhaled it. I must have been in a meditative place, it seemed as if I had "recorded" or imprinted the memory of how my mother smelled.

Last night I was sharing childhood stories with my girlfriend and I spaced out for a moment. There was a glitch in my head, for a moment, the memory had triggered the scent of my mother. It seemed to be a part of me, This did not depress me, and I wasn't elated either, it just made me think about how we are wired, DNA, and how we define ourselves from our experiences.

I wonder how far away we are from experiencing each other's memories, and, how deeply do we actually want to share the experience? Will we download each other's data of the same experience to really feel what the other person felt? My Sci-fi self immediately picture's the last scene of A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, but there will probably be an Ipod Nano experience of this as well. Imagine saying to your girlfriend,"I downloaded your presentation you gave to the interns earlier, and I can really understand why you want to go into teaching."
That might be cool.

Monday, July 10, 2006

We have nothing to lose but our land lines, i mean chains

"37% of Americans believe same-sex marriage should be legal."

That's just not true. It was taken from a telephone poll that only used numbers attached to land lines.

An Associated Press/Pew Research Center study of people who only use cell phones shows that 51% of those Americans support same-sex marriage.

Fifty one percent. Sounds like just enough, doesn't it?

Pollsters still use land lines. Because of this polls will continue to reflect the opinions of older, more conservative people.

I don't know whether it's possible or desireable for pollsters to start calling cell phone numbers. But in the meantime, their polls should reflect the universe they select more accurately. There's nothing random about a sample of land line numbers. Results should be weighted to reflect the bias of the sample.

Maybe then someone would start listening to Chief Justice Judith Kaye, longtime feminist and all-around hero, who wrote in her dissenting opinion: "Limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples undeniably restricts gays and lesbians from marrying their chosen same-sex partners … and thus constitutes discrimination based on sexual orientation.” and “A history or tradition of discrimination does not make the discrimination constitutional. It is circular reasoning to maintain that marriage must remain a heterosexual institution because that is what it historically has been.”

The definition of marriage has changed over time, thank god. Women are no longer property. Blacks can marry whites and it's still actually a legal marriage. Women have a right to divorce husbands even if they can't bear children etc etc.... The definition has changed before, both legally and culturally. 'Bout damn time it changes again.

We could start by asking Pew, Quinnipiac and Associated Press whether they poll people with only cell phones, and if not whether they weight their results to reflect the inherent bias in their sample. Not exactly a rallying cry, but it speaks to me.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Evita Revival and then the World

Maybe it's because of this week's celebration of our nation's freedom, or perhaps it's yesterday's NY Court's Ruling against gay marriage, and Georgia's Supreme Court decision to reinstate a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage-either way I say, when life gives you irony, make a hot poker to shove up a politician's constituency. Hi Eliot!

Meanwhile, as we continue to create history on this debate for marriage equality, at least can we be entertained? I propose someone please for the love of God, bring back Evita on Broadway! And, NO, I do not want Madonna to be in the revival.
Madge might very well come out on stage strapped to a cross and everyone will just yawn, preaching to the bloody converted again, ho hum...No, this is serious motivational strategic planning.
If it's going to be done, it needs to be done right, and it needs to be "old school" so, Patti Lupone may once again be allowed to assert her rightful place in theatrical history and motivate us for a change NOW.
I know as a member of the LBGTQ Community that if we can just come together on this one issue, we can make everything right in the world. Who knows how the chain reaction of one victory on broadway can affect the queer community!?! An Evita revival may be just the thing to see gay marriage through, now, not 10 years from now.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

The Myth of the 1 Hour Meeting

Courtesy of Jason Fried and lifehacker.com:

"If you're going to schedule a meeting that lasts one hour and invite 10 people to attend then it's a ten-hour meeting, not a one-hour meeting. You are trading 10 hours of productivity for one hour of meeting time. And it's probably more like 15 hours since there are mental switching costs associated with stopping what you're doing, going somewhere else to do something else, and then resuming what you were doing before."

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

The Incredible Shrinking Middle Class

I was a child of the seventies, and I sang along to Patti LuPone's line in Evita: "Screw the Middle Classes, I will never like them and they will never like me!" Now in my forties I worry about the apathy for the increased erosion of the middle class in our country.
I never thought when I went from my father's blue-collar, working class, union household, to my grandparents middle class home that either of these worlds would now be under attack. It is increasingly clear with the current adminstration's tactics of "out of sight-out of mind" that we are on the path to a totalitarian society ruled by an upper class--period!

Am I the only one awake enough to get this chess move?

The middle class is being erased. Patti Lupone and company would have rejoiced in song over this, and I would have joined in on the chorus, to bring it "home" as a kid in a working class household. My father hated the middle class, even though it included my clueless, hard-working, spend-thrifty grandparents, to my father-the middle class was the enemy, not something to aspire towards. Now,the generation of savers is falling by the wayside in the wake of high interest rates created by generations who followed them. It's not the golden calf, it's the plastic calf (CREDIT with hidden fees) plotting the course toward a "middle-classless" nation.

The only thing that is sad about the shrinking middle class, is the fact that they are terrible at organizing! Now that they do not have manufacturing plants close-by to meet and discuss what is happening to them, forget it! I mean who want's to fly to some country where manufacturing is now outsourced to even begin to retrace the steps that have led them towards dismantling their place is history.

Workers of the world will always unite, meet for coffee, discuss, form groups, and organize--workers have nothing to lose but their chains. Why the rift between working class and middle class, was it a management issue? Have we lost the mddle class now that manufacturing in this country is almost non-existent?

Monday, July 03, 2006

turtles

There were turtles in chinatown today. and it was stinky. something wasn't right.

it's always a little stinky by the fish monger, but today it smelled like poo. sorry: feces.

there were two buckets. One was full of live normal-sized turtles like the kind you'd find in the backyard in Florida. The other held only two enormous turtles - sea turtles maybe? i thought beth would know, but then i was glad she wasn't there. the two giant turtles were hugely sad - - and i think they were creating the smell.

that little bit of grand street was just all kinds of wrong today.

we saw a baby in just a diaper screaming in the heat and i said, 'he's still better off than the turtles.' we saw an old man hobbling along with one leg bent completely the wrong way. no comparison. those turtles were living in misery.