small furry houseguest

I am dogsitting an elderly chihuahua. She is possibly the worst, most troublesome creature alive. Never have i been so stressed by an obligation. I should have never agreed to this. It's just one hassle after another. Some examples of the creature's tedious behavior:

She snores like a wildebeast.

She taunts me, lying on her back and gesturing towards the kitchen with her little paws. She knows i'm not allowed to eat her.

She can't jump up on the bed, but she obviously wants to be there. Instead of asking me to pick her up, she just sits quietly. Passive agressive much?

She hogs the remote. And she likes mysteries.

She wakes up in them middle of the night with a "genius idea", turns on all the lights and insists on writing for half an hour. The next morning, she realizes her genius idea is just bunk.

She leaves Christian pamphlets all over the apartment thinking i'll see one and change my ways. She judges me with her giant eyes.

She's hopelessly morose, and can't bear a good mood. If i dare hum or smile she sniffs loudly and leaves the room. She also marked up my copy of Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

She keeps saying she's quitting, but really she just doesn't buy her own cigarettes any more.




Ok, just kidding, the chihuahua is perfect, easiest houseguest possible. I walk her on the roof with a roll of toilet paper, she eats once per day, and she's generally either content or actively happy.